I would tweet you a “thank you” with an @ to your name, but that would be a complete understatement of my appreciation and gratitude I have towards you. I’ve seen you live 3 times, but I hope to meet you one day and give you a giant hug. I was introduced to your music right around the time you dropped Cilvia Demo in 2014 from a guy whom I thought was EVERYTHING in the world.
While I’ve listened to everything in your discography, that album (and Welcome to the Game!) really helped me through many things and not many artists, especially in hip hop touch ground with the subject matter that you do. You are the first rapper (besides Kendrick Lamar) I’ve listened to that was open about their depression and reminded me how mental health matters.
“Heavenly Father” and “Hereditary” truly describe the relationship between my own father and I, and the effect it left on me/my own mental health. My own dad was a violent, narcissistic schizophrenic growing up, and eventually he disappeared from life. It took me 21 years of my 22 years to truly accept that the relationship between us will never perfect.
There are so many lines that hit me deeply–but this one–“Why you never love me when I needed it? I don’t wanna be like you no more, I’ve been trying to cope from gettin’ weeded“. However, I’ve been sober from that scene almost a year.
“R.I.P Kevin Miller” and “Cilvia Demo” helped me cope with something I didn’t for almost 6 years–the acceptance and grief associated with the death of my best friend in 2008. “I try to keep my mental ground, so I feel for y’all/I swear my eyes be bloody red, but bitch I feel amazin’“. You might wonder how a song about bitches and blunts might be in correlation to that; but it’s a reminder of how quick you can lose your life to the fast life.
“Menthol“, “Hii (Fuck Love)” and “Modest” helped me deal with my first bout of heartbreak (ironically, from the guy who introduced your music to me! haha) and the coping mechanisms associated with it.
While it helped me cope with many things, it also helped me celebrate many things. “Webbie Flow” “Food for Thought” and “Khaki” made me realize how much I’ve grown from a depressed delinquent to an adult accepting of everything life has and will throw at me. I actually listened to it the day I graduated from junior college. I listened to it nonstop that day as I got my first degree. It also made me realize something–to live in the present and kill your nostalgia. I think I’m blessed now, I only stress about the stress now.
“West Savannah” describes the process I had with the guy I was deeply infatuated with. While we both had our own share of problems, including depression, but we found a common ground within ourselves, and it kept us happy. I guess you can say your music kind of brought us closer and helped us both. Can we fall in love while Cilvia Demo bangin’ through the night?
I am finally accepting of the world & everything that has happened in my life; at peace within myself now, a big chunk of that I owe to your music. Listening to your music helped me turn my failures and obstacles into beautiful life lessons. I hope this doesn’t sound cliche or corny. I’m just happy I’m not alone.
Thank you so music, Isaiah Rashad. Maybe one day you’ll read this, maybe you won’t. I know there are many people out there like you & I hope one day they feel the same way I do.
(originally from my personal WP, @fatimaxbaqi).